


Stargazing

by basildarling (thespiderbaby)



Category: The Fast Show
Genre: Awkwardness, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Dialogue Heavy, First Kiss, Gay yearning, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Stargazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:21:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25407580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thespiderbaby/pseuds/basildarling
Summary: Under the starry sky, Ted and Ralph share heartfelt conversations- and a few laughs too.
Relationships: Ralph Mayhew/Ted
Comments: 16
Kudos: 15





	Stargazing

It was a cool evening, and Ralph had taken advantage of the long summer's day to go for a stroll through the grounds before the light faded completely. Like this, he could see another side to the grounds, something that had enchanted him as a small boy. Once, he had scrambled up a tree to get a better look at the stars. He just wished he could get closer.

Although his science teacher had told him about all the complex chemical reactions that create a star, he still couldn't get his head around it. Ralph was content just to watch, and marvel at the fact that something could be just so far away. He'd only ever been on holiday to the Isle of Wight, and, it might as well have been a million miles away. That ferry journey felt like it took forever, at least.

When he realised he couldn't get down from the tree, he cried and cried. It was Mrs Ted who, in the end, instructed Ted to fetch a ladder and carry him down. When he shuffled meekly back home at half past ten, Father hadn't even noticed that he'd been gone. 

Ralph never climbed a tree again, but he continued to look up at the stars, letting his imagination run wild. And that was what he was doing tonight. 

There was another motive for this expedition, though. 

Recently, Ralph had noticed that Ted was spending a lot more time near the big house, after the working day was done. Not that there was a problem with that, Ralph hastened to add, but he would usually expect Ted to be down at the local pub with his mates at this time. He couldn't help but wonder what Ted was up to. He hated to think that Ted was overworking himself, sneaking in trips to sort out the lower field in the middle of the night. That drainage really was becoming an obsession! He ought to mention it to Ted, but that man had a stubborn streak, and besides, was much more knowledgeable about these types of things.

Then he spotted him. Ted was sitting atop a stack of hay bales, a cigarette in his mouth. 

"Ted!" He called, waving. "Nice night, isn't it?"

"Evening, sir."

"May I join you?" 

Ted nodded. 

Of course, he was only doing that to be polite, wasn't he it's not like he has any valid excuses to get out of it he's hardly going to tell me to get lost he'd rather have the evening to himself what are you doing intruding on his relaxation time like thi- oh, stop it, Ralph. 

"Are you going to join me or not, sir?" 

Ralph let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Ted really did want to spend some of his evening with him! That stack of bales did look precarious, but Ralph would brave it, for Ted and Ted alone. Careful not to scuff his newly polished shoes, he started to climb. A few wobbles, and he was off, scrabbling around to find stable footholds. 

Ralph scrambled onto the top bale and sat down next to Ted. He flicked a piece of loose straw off of himself. Getting down…well, he'd think about that later. Now he was up here, the ground seemed a lot further away than he expected it to be. Surely, as long as he didn't move around too much, he would be safe. 

Ted nodded at Ralph, a cordial greeting, then stuck his cigarette back in his mouth. Ralph's gaze lingered on his lips for just a few seconds longer than it should have done, then flicked back to his own hands, neatly folded in his lap. 

"Nice ni-" oh, he'd already said that, hadn't he? Ralph hoped that Ted couldn't see his cheeks redden in the evening's semi-darkness.

More silence. 

The stars! Ralph thought to himself. I'm right among them up here! And I can see clearly all the way to the house...

Pointing at a constellation, Ralph started to speak. 

"When I was younger, I made it my...mission, I suppose you could call it, Ted, to learn the names of as many stars as I could, Ted. I didn't get very far, but I can still remember a few of them. That one there," he stretched a little further. "is Ursa Minor. The Little Bear, Ted."

"Right, sir."

"I've never seen a bear that looks like that before, but then, to be fair, Ted… I haven't seen many bears in my lifetime. Only pictures." 

"I wouldn't know about that, sir." 

There was a short pause, in which Ralph fiddled with a stray piece of straw, twisting it between his fingertips. 

"It's simply dizzying to think, Ted, how many generations have sat and gazed up at these very stars. I was never any good in my maths classes, but I can't even begin to comprehend what a billion years feels like!" 

"That's true, sir."

"Poetic, Ted. I don't like to think of it in terms of numbers and equations, but rather, in a more literary way. W...We may think we are the centre of the universe, but compared to all this," Ralph waved his arms. "We are nothing. Insignificant. I- well, I try not to think too much about it, or I find myself getting depressed. But is there anything that can possibly live on for as long as the stars?" 

"I can think of one thing, sir." 

Ralph felt his chest tighten. "And...and err, what would that be?" 

Ted grinned. "The drainage problem in the lower field, sir." 

A wheeze escaped Ralph's throat, but he was too late to stop himself erupting into full-blown laughter. "Funny, Ted, very funny!" 

Ralph's laughter must've been contagious, because now Ted was laughing heartily as well. It was nice to see Ted like this, with no reservations. For a moment Ralph was seeing the real Ted, somebody who didn't avert his gaze, who mumbled awkward excuses and closed himself off from others. 

And that was why he loved Ted so dearly. This was someone who cared, no matter how hard it might be for him to show it. 

Ted was wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. 

"Have you ever thought about becoming a comedian, Ted?" 

"Ah now, it wasn't that funny, sir. It was your fault for laughing so hard. Another Mr Kipling moment, sir." 

Ralph felt a pang of excitement, realising that Ted had remembered that Christmas a few years ago when Ted nearly froze to death and Ralph brought him in out of the cold and- well, no, it wasn't that dramatic. It had just been snowing a little bit. 

"Sorry, Ted." 

"You don't need to be sorry for laughing, sir." 

"No, it's...no, never mind, Ted." 

That awkward silence that the pair were so used to returned, becoming even more oppressive in the semi-darkness. 

Ted cleared his throat. "Another joke, sir?" 

Ralph chuckled. "Go on, Ted. The night is still young, after all!"

Ted smiled- a thin, awkward smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, but a smile nonetheless. 

"Sir. Why was the rat so strong?" 

"I have absolutely no idea, Ted! Go on, tell me."

"Because, sir, it was mousecular! Dear God." 

Ralph looked stunned for a second, and then a light went on in his head as he finally got the joke. 

"Now, that, sir, was a truly terrible joke."

Ralph was too busy laughing to answer, a proper, full-bellied laugh that made his whole body shake. 

He stuck out his hand to steady himself. 

And then the laughter caught in Ralph's throat and stopped abruptly as he realised. Realised that he couldn't feel the straw beneath his fingers. The shock took hold of him and he lost his balance and he felt himself topple. He scrunched his eyes closed, not wanting to see the ground getting closer and closer. 

And then- 

And then- 

Ralph braced himself for the impact. But nothing came. 

No flash of pain throughout his body. No mess of scrambled bones.

It was safe to open his eyes now, Ralph thought. 

Ted was gripping onto his arm. 

"Sir...I've got you, sir. You're safe."

Ralph looked at him. Properly looked at him. 

"Ted...I...ah...uh," Ralph struggled. 

"It's not a problem, sir. Come on, I'll help you back up." 

"Y-you saved my life!" Ralph spluttered. 

"Ah now, I'm sure I just saved you from a nasty bruise, sir. Nothing to worry about." 

"Even so…" 

Ted pulled Ralph up, and he lay on the bale for a moment, trying to catch his breath. He was glad to be back on semi-solid ground, at least. Maybe now his heart would stop pounding like he'd just run a marathon now. But there was no chance of that while Ted was leaning over him, a concerned look on his face. 

"You look tired, sir. Maybe you should think about turning in for the night?" 

Ralph shook his head. To tell the truth, he couldn't quite face climbing down after that little fiasco. With unsteady hands, he sat himself up. 

"Are you cold, sir?" 

Had he been shivering? Before he could answer, Ted had taken off his coat and wrapped it around his shoulders. This shabby old coat, which Ted was hardly ever seen without! He babbled out a quiet 'thank you', feeling his cheeks flush. When he turned to look at Ted again, the other man quickly ducked his head down, staring intently at his lap. 

"Well, you know how I am, Ted. Frightfully clumsy. I trod in dog muck the other day, in the lower field. God knows how it got there. Probably walkers trespassing again. Why they do that when the footpath is quite clearly marked out, I don't know. You- we ought to do something about that." 

"Next week, sir." 

"Oh! Well, I don't- I don't want to load you up with too much to do. It's not a priority, Ted. The last thing I would want would be for you to think I was bossing you around with my unreasonable demands." Ralph was slightly embarrassed that he'd brought this up. Why talk about work on a night like this? 

"I wouldn't know about that, sir."

"You must do what you want, Ted. Not just what I want you to do." 

"And if we both want the same thing?" 

Ralph was a little taken aback by this; was Ted suggesting what he thought he was suggesting? He was suddenly aware of how dry his lips were. 

"Er...uh...you mean...like when we both thought it was a good idea to grow cucumbers in the greenhouse?" 

Ted turned to look at Ralph, to properly look at him. And then they made eye contact, and it was like they were truly seeing each other for the first time. Ralph felt he would wither if he looked away for even a second. 

"I think you know what I mean, sir." 

"Ted?" 

"I know, sir. I know. It's alright. I'm here." 

“Ted…”

He was closer to Ted than he had ever been before. Close enough to reach out and touch him. But before he could do anything, Ted had shuffled towards him to take him in his arms. Ralph was too stunned to do anything at first, then relaxed a little. Oh God, Ted could probably hear how hard his heart was beating. 

“I didn’t know, Ted.”

“I’m not sure I did myself, sir. Not until recently. And it took me even longer to admit it to myself. Even now, when I know how you feel, sir.”

Ralph looked down at his hands. “I never was any good at subtlety, was I?”

“It’s not really my place to say, sir,” Ted mumbled. “But-” he interjected as Ralph opened his mouth to protest. “It’s kind of charming; how you can be so open about yourself. I wish I could be more like that.” 

Ted had complimented him! Ted...admired him! Ralph quickly snapped out of this daze to listen to more of what Ted was saying. 

“Being of my generation...well, you can guess what kind of things I had to put up with. And still do. Simon and the rest of the lads in the pub- well, they call it banter, but it really starts to wear you down after a while.”

“I’m sorry, Ted. I had no idea. Couldn’t you say anything?”

“Well, you know what they say about protesting too much. I’d defend you whenever they took the piss, but I couldn’t say too much about myself. I think they knew.”

“Knew what?” 

“That I...I loved you too.”

“Ted! I-I…” Ralph couldn’t believe it, that Ted had actually said it, out loud. He rubbed his eyes. But they were still out there on the hay bale, surrounded by stars. “Could you, I mean, would you say that again?”

Ted cleared his throat. “It’s true, sir. I love you...Ralph.”

Now Ralph really was too stunned to speak. Finally, all he could manage was:  
“But...I thought you loved Mrs. Ted- er...Esther.” Damn! Trust him to bring up the man’s dead wife at a time like this!

“She was a really grand woman. My first love. And, you know, she cared for you so deeply for you as well. But...well, I know it’s a cliche, but she really would want me to be happy, and you as well,” Ted took a moment to look deep into Ralph’s eyes again. It would take the younger man some time to get used to that. “I would be happy if I was with you for the rest of my days. You are, without a doubt, the kindest man I’ve ever known.”

This was too much for Ralph, and the tears that he’d been trying so hard to suppress were starting to leak out now. “I- I’ve never…”

“It’s alright, sir. I’m still here for you.” 

Before he knew it, Ted’s work-roughened hands grasped at Ralph’s shoulders, pulling him towards him. Ralph’s nose bumped into Ted’s cheek, prompting nervous giggles from both of them. Well, there went all of Ralph’s plans to appear smooth, practiced, an expert at wooing. He hadn’t kissed anyone since he was 19, to make a rough estimate. Charles, behind the cricket hut at university before his big match, and even then it was a rushed and sloppy job. But this wasn’t the time to be thinking of past escapades when he risked making a fool of himself in front of the man of his dreams. 

He went in again, this time with minimal clumsiness, putting his hands on Ted’s waist, and then, in a stroke of genius, swiping Ted’s hat off of his head and putting it on his own. Either Ted didn’t notice, or he simply chose not to; he was so caught up in the moment. Ralph could taste the smoke on Ted’s breath; if it was anyone else he would despise it, but it was just so quintessentially Ted that it didn’t bother him at all. Ralph cupped Ted’s face with one of his hands, gently stroking his sideburns, and Ted smiled through the kiss. 

It was Ralph who broke away first, he needed to breathe, and besides, he was so giddy with excitement that he could barely keep still.

“Careful you don’t fall again, sir.” Ted’s voice brought him back down from floating amongst the stars. 

Ralph shook his head and leaned back against Ted, neck craned up so he could gaze at the night sky. Here, up on the hay bales in Ted’s arms, he thought, no harm could ever come to him.

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic posted in over 2 years! After complaining about the lack of Ted and Ralph content for ages, I finally decided to do something about it!


End file.
